I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
