doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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