maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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