YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
