Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize