I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
