hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
