All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
