yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
