Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
