The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
