You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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