i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
