.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
