i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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