I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
