My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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