Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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