You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
