I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
