dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He kissed a someone with a penis
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
