how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
