# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
