The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
