i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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