Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize