If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
