Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
