Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
