Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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