i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
