I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
