jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just want to make out with him forever
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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