I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need to align my fucking chakras
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
