yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
