stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
