brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
