It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
