is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
