I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
