My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
