I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
