so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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