There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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