I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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