Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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