In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
