I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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