Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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