My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
