Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
