haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
