forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize