I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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