there's paper in my vomit.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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