Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
