i permit you to call me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
