I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
