I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
