My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Say something about gay babies.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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