Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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