It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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