I need help removing her.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
