Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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