She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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