What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
