I love black thongs
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
