Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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