I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
